I don't usually arrange sex via text message
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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