I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
