My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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