ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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