It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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