this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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