one word: firstdatebathroomanal
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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