Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
