fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
