Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Sorry my hands just texted you
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
