oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My balls are so social today.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
