I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
