Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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