i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
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