I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
