kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
