It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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