like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
