I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I think i got beer on your cat.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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