She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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