I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
