Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
