So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
