Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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