It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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