I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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