we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
