I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
