You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
