Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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