The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
