Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
