I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
