To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
