Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
