I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
