yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
