yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
