I feel like abortions should bother me more
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
