I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I lost the right to judge tonight
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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