WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
