This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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