I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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