While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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