She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize