i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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