TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
