Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
