I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
