Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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