i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
