We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
tequila makes me forget i have legs
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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