if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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