my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
