a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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