Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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