# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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