so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
