when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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