So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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