Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
