i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
