You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
