Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
