would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
