I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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