false alarm. still invincible.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
