can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
