That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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