yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
