You made me cry and you don't even care
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
