In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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