Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
even my farts smell like vagina
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
