Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
