i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize