if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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