My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
