im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
