Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
