The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
