Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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