Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
